As more and more people get into the wedding business as a side gig, I’m noticing less and less professionalism among wedding coordinators and planners. It’s not that I am against competition. I welcome new people to our area and to the wedding business! In fact, many of my former assistants are now running their own coordinating businesses. Plus, the more resources we have for brides, the more brides will choose our area to get married. And if new vendors charge less than some of the professionals while they build their business, that’s okay. This practice gives customers on a really tight budget some options. The problem is when people sell themselves as experienced wedding coordinators, when they don’t really know what they are doing. This gives the wedding planning and coordinating business a bad name. I hear many of you saying, “I hate working with day-of coordinators.” I don’t want to hear that any more. So, here are some tips for working with day-of coordinators or planners in general…

Check In Early and Often A good coordinator will make your job easier. When you first sign a contract with your bride, ask if they are working with a coordinator or planner and if it’s a partial or full planning package. Then reach out to the coordinator to let them know you’re on the team, and make sure they have your mobile phone number and email address. A good coordinator will keep you apprised of any changes, create timelines and layouts, and take charge on the day-of, so you can concentrate on being the best at what you do. I even know some vendors that charge less if the bride is working with a planner, because less work for them!

Timelines A good coordinator will create the overall timeline, and share it with the vendors. There is no need for everyone to do their own timelines! I had one bride who had to fill out six different questionnaires for timelines: hairdresser, photography, DJ, etc., and by the end she was sick of it!  (This was before she hired us.) When you first reach out to the coordinator, ask them when they will have a timeline ready. It is usually 6-8 weeks before the wedding. There’s really no point in doing a timeline more than eight weeks before the wedding. Lots of things may change prior to that time – who’s in the wedding party, which family members can attend, and sometimes the location changes. Do you really need to know their first dance song a year ahead? A good timeline will include all the major facets of the day, including set up and clean up times, and times for major things like ceremony, toasts, etc. You can take that and add things that are pertinent to you and your staff. Saves a lot of time!

Communicate Communicate Communicate A good coordinator will be the first person on site. On the day of, as soon as you get to the venue, check in with the coordinator to find out where you are supposed to set up and to get any updates to the timeline. Sometimes the weather changes things, and sometimes things get rearranged at the rehearsal. If you are running late, text them. If you leave the venue after set up, or if it is just a drop off, let the coordinator know. Make sure they understand how to use any equipment, which items need to be returned to you, and when they will be picked up. If your equipment is really valuable, try to leave someone behind to watch it. If you need to take a break during the event, we don’t mind covering for you for a few minutes. And if you have questions on the day of, contact the coordinator, not the bride or her mom, or the venue manager. A good coordinator will field questions and relay them to the appropriate person if necessary. That is primarily why people hire day-of coordinators (besides set up and clean up). They don’t want to be pestered with questions; they want to enjoy the event.

Put Me In Coach A good coordinator will take charge. The coordinator is like the coach of a football team. They decide who plays when, what the plays are, and when a change in strategy needs to be made. You’re a part of the team. The client, whether it is the bride or groom or the mom, is the quarterback. You can’t call an audible. In most cases, the coordinator has been working with the couple and their family for over a year. They’ve gotten to know them really well -- their preferences, their back stories, who doesn’t get along with whom, etc. It’s best to let the coordinator decide if something needs to be changed. And if the coordinator tells you that your outfit is not appropriate, or that the mom (who is paying for everything) does not want the garter toss, or the music is too loud, or that what you are doing is interfering with another vendor’s job or with a guest’s ability to enjoy the festivities, then you need to listen. It will result in better reviews for you, and more recommendations from the coordinator.

Show Some Respect A good coordinator knows her etiquette. For example, there is a certain amount of decorum and respect that is required when you are working a religious ceremony, whether Christian, Jewish, or interdenominational. There should be no talking, whispering, or joking around during the ceremony. There should be no movement at all that might distract the guests, the officiant, or the couple during the ceremony, and that goes especially for photographers and videographers. Although the coordinator can advise where it is best to station yourself during the ceremony, it is the officiant who is actually in charge of the ceremony. Be sure to check with them on their preferences. Flash photography is prohibited in most churches. So is standing behind the officiant or the wedding party. This holds true even if the ceremony is outside. If the officiant is just a friend who got ordained online, here is a general rule: Stay out of the way. I know you are trying to do the best for you clients, but their family and guests have travelled a long way, and they have the right to witness the ceremony without distraction. If you can’t get “THE SHOT” from somewhere in the back, maybe you need better equipment. An exception might be briefly standing in the aisle to capture mom being escorted to her seat, or the happy couple exiting. If you absolutely must stay in the aisle, kneel down so you are not blocking anyone’s view. Consult the coordinator when you have questions about whether or not something is appropriate, and heed their advice. It will make you look more professional.

Dress Code A good coordinator will dress professionally and wear a name badge. For vendors, pretty much anything goes during set up and clean up, but during the event, what you are wearing should be as similar to what the guests are wearing as possible. Short skirts, jeans (especially ripped jeans), and lots of visible tattoos are not appropriate for most formal events. Dress like you’re going to a job interview, because, in a way, you are. No one is going to recommend a DJ who wears sweatpants and a hoodie to a wedding (Yes, that happened). Wear a name badge. Comfortable shoes are understandable, of course, even if they are more casual. (I know one photographer who switches shoes 2-3 times during the day!) If you are moving around a lot and are likely to get hot and sweaty, bring an extra shirt (or two). And, for goodness sake, use deodorant!

Let’s Get Tipsy (NOT) A good day of coordinator will help keep an eye on the guests and alert the bartenders if someone needs to be cut off. But checking ID’s and cutting people off is the responsibility of the bartenders. That is why most venues require a licensed bartender who knows the state’s rules regarding alcohol service. However, if you see something, say something. Things like teenagers taking sips of beer when adults aren’t looking, or a guest who is so drunk they can’t stand up, can lead to HUGE problems later – for all the vendors - if there is an accident. It does not matter if they aren’t driving. If you can’t find the coordinator or get to the bartender, tell the venue manager or a security guard. And you should not be drinking alcohol yourself. You are at work. This is not a social event, for you.

A good coordinator will keep her clients happy, while also helping the vendors get their jobs done, and assuring that the family and guests are having a fabulous experience. It’s a tough job!  But you can help. I know there are bad coordinators out there who are bitchy and boss around the other vendors, and I’m sorry about that. But the majority of coordinators are experienced professionals, and are only there to help everyone have a good time. If they have a suggestion, listen. They might see the opportunity for a great shot, the perfect song, or a special treat that will make you look good. A coordinator can be your best friend, if you will just let them.

​​Yay, you’re engaged! What an amazing and exciting time for you. But first, you have to plan everything and prepare for this magical day. First things first, HIRE A WEDDING PLANNER!!! Yes, finding a dress and a venue are important, but having a planner is absolutely vital. The planner stays on you and makes sure you’re meeting deadlines and staying on track of the timeline of things to get done before your big day. Planners can also help direct you to the best vendors based on your style and budget. Planners are the ones who makes sure everything is in place and take an enormous amount of stress away during the planning and during the actual event. It’s always better to hire a professional planner who knows the business instead of getting a friend or family member to do it, when they should be enjoying your celebration with you.

My second tip to you new brides is something you need to remember throughout the whole planning process: IT IS YOUR DAY!!! It is about what YOU and YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER want, not about anyone else at all!! I’ve seen a few brides who say “I don’t want this but my mom does” or “I really don’t want to have green as my color but my sister says it’ll look best.” Don’t ever get in this situation because it’s your day, it’s your memories you’re creating and will have to look back on. In addition to that, don’t let anyone knock your dream or vision. If you have ideas, be outspoken about them. If you and your honey love an idea and your soon-to-be mother-in-law frowns upon it, or thinks it won’t turn out nice, thank her kindkly for her input, then forge ahead, because she doesn’t know (unless she is a wedding planner) and no one can know until you try it. Get ideas and suggestions, but let it be known that ultimately it’s not about the wants of anyone but the bride and groom. Just confirming this alone can take off a lot of stress you may have had about trying to please everyone.

My third piece of advice is to continually communicate with your vendors. Also, make sure you try to meet them in person and have several conversations with them before booking them as your vendor to ensure they fit your event and that they will be a quality vendor. Not having a quality vendor, whether it be in their attitude or the delivery o their services, can greatly impact the flow of your event. Make sure the vendors know what you want and how you want things to look. Don’t just tell the florist your colors and leave it at that -- tell him or her about the flowers you like, and be as specific as possible. Don’t just tell the DJ you want your first dance to be Stand by Me by Ben E. King, tell them the version you like best, how long you want to dance to it, and where you want the song to end. Try your best not to leave anything up to interpretation or to be assumed. You want to make sure your day is how you want it and you can’t be mad at a vendor when something doesn’t go how you thought it would because you didn’t tell them. Having a planner will help with this because if your planner is a good one, he/she will lead you to ask the right questions, and will follow up with the vendors themselves. In addition, make sure that you communicate ANY changes, big or small, to your planner. This way you  will be on the same page and he/she can notify the other vendors of the changes.

Number four, make sure you read over the timelines given to you by your planner. The timeline is like your wedding day bible. You need to know it like the back of your hand so that you know what’s going on and how long it should be going on for. The timeline helps you to understand the flow of your event. It is something your planner puts together and sends over to you for approval. If you don’t even take a look at it or think it’s too much to read, you won't know what to expect on your wedding day. On the other hand, make sure not to fret about time too much because the timeline is just an idea of how long you should take on certain task, but it is okay if you get a little off track. If your planner put it together correctly, he/she will build in extra time for things like bathroom breaks, traffic, and other potential delays.

Finally, my last piece of advice to all the soon-to-be wives is that this is one of the greatest days of your life. You can either look back on this day and say it was nice but I was so mad the napkins weren’t folded nicely, or you can look back and say everything was so beautiful and know you truly enjoyed your love day. My point in saying this is that during the planning process you focus on the details and every aspect of your event you can. However, the day of your wedding is about looking at the big picture and not focusing on little things or worrying over things you can’t control. The day of your event you are supposed to enjoy every moment of it and take in all the love, laughs, and good vibes of the day because it is just one day and it is going to come and go. Not only do you want to be relaxed and enjoy your event, but you want to ensure that you actually get to spend time with your friends, family, and guests, and most especially, your new husband. Plan a "sneak-away" time for a private moment where you and your new hubby can just talk, laugh, and share the bliss of your love day. A lot of time weddings can be so eventful, that you barely get time to soak it all in. Plan some time to "breathe."  This day will be the day you feel the most love, so take all of that in, forget all your worries, and just enjoy.

All in all, my advice from seeing over a dozen weddings take place, is to have fun and enjoy every moment of the celebration. Pay attention to details during the planning and make sure you’re reaching the vision of your event. But once the planning is done, step back. This is a big moment in your life and an even bigger one for you and your love as you begin your life. Love those around you, laugh as much as you can, and create memories that are worth remembering.

It just happens that one of our coordinators was a wedding planning advice columnist in Alaska in a past life. Really! She was kind enough to share some of her past columns with our readers. Please feel free to comment or tweet your questions so Miss Ellie and Miss Sam can help you, too!​

DEAR SAMANTHA,
Do we really need to feed our photographer and DJ at the reception?

Although they may not be guests, the people you have contracted to work at your wedding are performing a job during a time they would normally eat. You certainly don’t have to, but it’s a nice gesture, and would almost certainly promote better service from them. However read the fine print, as many wedding professionals have the provision that they must be fed written into their contract, so be prepared. If you still can’t stomach the idea of offering a $50+ plate of food to your DJ, coordinate a less expensive meal for them with your caterer. But under no circumstances are you obliged to offer them free alcoholic drinks. After all they’re on the clock, working for you. And nobody likes a drunken DJ, anyway.

DEAR SAMANTHA,
How do I graciously decline the “donated” help of extended family members? I have one family member who likes to do amateur flower arranging as a hobby and wants to do my wedding flowers. I don’t want amateur flowers but I don’t want to hurt her feelings either.

It’s always difficult to tactfully turn down help, especially when you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. My suggestion is to thank them profusely, but say you and your fiancé have already contracted with a similar vendor based on your needs and budget. Ask if you can count on them to help you select the flowers at your local professional florist. This will make them feel appreciated without ever knowing your true feelings.

DEAR SAMANTHA,
We plan to have an open bar at our wedding reception. Can we be held responsible if someone drives home drunk and has an accident?

You are off the hook. In Alaska, the person who is serving the drinks is liable for any situation that results in a drunk driving accident. Keep in mind that this scenario is rare because all servers and bartenders are required to pass an exam that teaches them the signs of inebriation and have been instructed on what to do if someone is getting intoxicated. Worth mentioning is the fact that some facilities offer free cab rides home in severe circumstances because it’s in their best interest to make sure that nothing happens to you or your guests. If these thoughts still keep you up at night, another alternative would be to provide your guests with a few bottles of wine on the table. It’s enough to celebrate the moment, but not enough for things to go south.

DEAR SAMANTHA,
My bridesmaids are all different sizes and have very different opinions about dress styles. Do you have any suggestions on how I can make everyone happy?

So many brides think they have to dress their maids in the same dress, and with everyone having different body types, you will inevitably have one or two crying in their pillow at night or cursing you under their breath. One option is to take all your maids shopping at the same time and hope they all agree on the same style. If that doesn’t work, another solution is to go to a fabric store and select material that you absolutely love. Then send each maid five yards and instruct them to find a dress pattern they like that is appropriate for your ceremony (casual, formal or somewhere in-between). Once found, have them take it to a reputable seamstress. In the end the cost should be around the same as if you bought it off the rack (or possibly even less) and your girls will feel beautiful in a dress that’s flattering to them. It’s a win – win.

DEAR SAMANTHA,
Do I really need a wedding planner? My mother says yes, but I have friends who say they can help. Who do I listen to?

Listen to your mother, especially if she’s offering to pay for one. Wedding planers are worth their weight in gold, whether you hire one from the very beginning or just for the day of your wedding. They can alleviate many decorating and logistic issues that need handling, take all the calls the day of the wedding and think of things you haven’t. If you choose a friend to help you with the details, they may not be able to enjoy the wedding due to all the responsibilities heaped upon them or, worse, may not live up to your expectations.

DEAR SAMANTHA,
My fiancé wants to have an open bar at our reception and I think it’s too expensive. Is there a way to estimate how much it will cost?

Industry standard dictates that on average, guests will drink two drinks the first hour and one drink every hour after. So if you invited 100 guests and 80 percent drank, you would spend around $2,000 in alcohol alone. Also don’t forget: With hosted bars, there is usually an automatic 20-percent service charge with every drink poured. If a hosted bar is too scary of an idea, another option would be to purchase a set amount of beer or wine, and when it runs out, guests would start paying for their own drinks. Having a semi-hosted bar would ensure there wouldn’t be any bar tab surprises.

DEAR SAMANTHA,
My fiancé and I come from two different spiritual belief systems. What kind of service should we have?

It’s always difficult to blend two cultures together and keep two families happy. Especially if they are polar opposites. The best plan is to sit down with your partner and talk about what is most important to each of you. Then try to combine what’s important in the ceremony. Another option is two ceremonies. This is often done to satisfy the families more than the couple but can help to keep the peace.