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After the Wedding: Moving In and Marriage

11/16/2020

 
Part 2 of our series on weddings and marriage during the pandemic by guest writer Lisa Borelli

Moving in [before or] after marriage
A move can be stressful enough, but trying to combine households and personal lives during a global pandemic can be even harder. For the specifics on coronavirus moves, check out this article. For now, we’re going to focus on successfully marrying your lifestyle to your partner’s in your new home.

Discussing your financial plans With the merging of households also come the financial implications. Moving can be very expensive, even if you do not hire professional movers, so take this into account when working on your new joint budget.

This is also a great time to discuss any outstanding debts, mortgages or recurring bills that may affect your joint bank accounts moving forward.

Evaluate your joint possessions This is also an opportunity to donate or purge any extra, unwanted items that you may have in either of your households. An itemized list can help you inventory what you have and what you would like to take with you.

Preparing for the move There are enough details to manage on a daily basis, so a thorough packing and moving in checklist can help you prepare for your move much more efficiently. Don’t forget to update your address and set up utilities before you move in.

Settling in after the move While unpacking and organizing are not the most entertaining bonding activities out there, you can still keep things light with music and banter with your new spouse while you hang your wedding photos and create your new marital household.

There’s housekeeping to do outside the house, too: Don’t forget to update your car registration, driver’s license, and other documentation. Many spouses undergo a name change, so this will need to change on all of your documents. In non-pandemic times, changing your last name usually required a notary, but in the age of coronavirus, people have had to adapt.

“We’ve seen a massive uptick in people using Notarize to notarize their marriage certificates remotely in light of COVID, and those same customers often come back to us to do the same for documents related to buying their next home,” says Cristin Culver, VP of Communications for Notarize. “It’s one of the ways COVID brides and grooms have had to adapt in 2020.”

Maintaining a healthy relationship for the years to follow
As exciting as it can be to merge households, life after marriage can still leave you feeling drained and stressed after the pressures of a wedding and moving. These are some ways that you can maintain a healthy marriage in the years to come.
  • Plan a honeymoon or vacation. Coronavirus may change the way we travel, but there are still plenty of ways to celebrate your nuptials with a honeymoon or vacation.
  • Maintain communication. Communication is key to a healthy marriage, so talk openly and honestly with your partner to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings or conflicts.
  • Establish healthy boundaries. Every marriage has its challenges, so work with your spouse to create clear boundaries for the future.
  • Schedule time for each other. Life can get in the way sometimes, but be sure to schedule time just for the two of you. Whether it is regular date nights or regular twilight walks after work, finding ways to spend time together will only reinforce your love and promote a healthy marriage.
  • Don’t forget about Me Time. Just as you make time for your spouse, don’t forget to take time for yourself, too. Spa days and nights out with friends are always popular, but journaling and self-care are important, too. You can even look into using a wellness or relaxation app.
  • Check out podcasts for married couples. No matter how long you have been married, all couples go through their share of problems. Podcasts for married couples can help you promote better togetherness and well-being in your marital life.

Marriage counseling Sometimes, stress can disrupt even the most secure marriages. This is where marriage counseling can help. If you begin to see issues sprouting up in your marriage, a professional therapist can help you develop and reinforce healthy habits based on what makes a good marriage.

Every couple fights, but an experienced and professional marriage counselor can help you ensure it doesn’t have lasting impacts on your marriage so you remain just as in love as you were on the day you were married.
​
Lena Borrelli is a Tampa-based writer who specializes in personal finance, home improvement, and moving content. She's worked with leading industry titans, such as Morgan Stanley, Wells Fargo, and Simon Corporation. Her work has most recently been published on sites like Bankrate, The Simple Dollar, Fiscal Tiger, ADT, and Home Advisor, as well as many other websites and blogs around the world.

Post Matrimonium Blues

5/6/2015

0 Comments

 
From a recent newlywed: "To be honest with you, since the wedding I've been feeling a little down, and it also seems like my fiancé and I don't have anything to talk about or do together now! I mean my husband! I was just wondering if that is normal."


Miss Ellie Says: It is totally normal to feel let down after a big event like a wedding has ended -- think about when you graduated high school, finished your masters' thesis, or completed that big project at work -- it's just part of life! You are lucky your husband was so involved in the planning, because that is not comfortable territory for most men! Men need some down time after a big event, so let him have it.  You Type A's might need a little break yourself right now. If you are like most couples, you also moved and/or changed jobs sometime during the planning period, so that was a lot of stress on both of you. You know that Khalil Gibran quote that many couples have read at their ceremony?

But let there be spaces in your togetherness, 
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. 


Now is the time for a little space. Reconnect with your girlfriends, get back to the gym, or catch up on that tv series you missed.  And make sure you have really finished the wedding wrap up -- do you still have thank you notes to write, a photo album or scrapbook to complete, (consider a scrapbooking class at Michael's), or gifts to find places for?  Another thing you can do to relive the wedding experience is to go online and review your wedding vendors -- they really appreciate those reviews, and you will he helping future brides!

Don't start another major project to fill the void; both of you need some time to regroup. Now, that being said, there are some things you can do to strengthen your relationship at this point. in addition to finding new things you can do on your own, find some new things you can do with your husband.  Why not start a date night tradition? If you got married on the 12th, try to do something every 12th, or every third Thursday, or something like that.  In a few months, start thinking about your first anniversary.  Don't go and make a big production of it, but do start planning something together to commemorate that special day.  

I want to caution you about one thing. This is not the time to start wedding planning business! Yes, you were very successful at planning your own wedding, but that does not mean you are ready to plan other people's weddings. I've seen a lot of brides do that over the years, but you need a lot more experience than one wedding to bill yourself as a professional wedding planner. But if it was truly something that you enjoyed doing, and you want to give it a try, find a planner to work for.  Help them on a few events and see if it's something that you really might want to do full-time. Another possibility is -- if you did a lot of DIY for your own wedding and it turned out well, you might find a market for those skills by selling custom-made wedding items via Etsy. (Let me know if you do, I've probably got customers for you!) 

One last thing to remember: The up and down cycle of life is something to get used to  -- just wait until you go through the nine-month planning experience of having your first child! 
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    Miss Ellie is the perfectly proper wedding planner to whom we all turn for wedding planning advice.  To ask a question, just click the email button at the top of the page, or leave a comment and she will respond.

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