So many brides today are opting to DIY (Do-It-Yourself) at least part of their wedding -- whether it's flowers, decorations, favors, or accessories. And there are so many great ideas out there!  Check any wedding magazine, website, blog, or Pinterest. It all looks soooo easy! And I’m all for it. It lends a true, personal touch to your event, and it can be a fun project for you and your fiancé or friends to bond over. Might even save a little money. But as the person who usually ends up setting up these DIY creations, let me share a few words of advice.

Keep it Minimal Every bride starts off saying, “We're going to keep it simple.” Nine months later, they’ve got 20 things to set up on each and every table. Consider that it takes 3 to 5 minutes to set each element. So for table runner, centerpiece, and candles, that's 12 to 15 minutes per table. If you've got 20 tables, that's going to take a while. Once you’ve found a great idea, check the wedding boards on The Knot or search wedding blogs to see if someone else has done it and read their advice. Send a message to that Pinterest user to get more information. Email the product seller and get specifics about equipment required and set up instructions. Just remember, that the more you add, the more help will be required.

Keep it Light Heavy accessories like glass jars, wood discs, stones, and corn hole games are hard to transport, set up, and pack up. Consider how you're going to move these things in and out. They also require more time to set up. Make sure the venue has hand carts, and that they will allow you extra time to load in and out. If they will let you bring the heavy stuff ahead of time, even better. And if you are depending on someone who is in the wedding to do this, they are going to need time to go home and shower after. It’s hard to look you best after moving 150 bricks! Hiring some extra labor works best.

Keep It Low If you plan to make and hang banners, garlands, lanterns, or lights, be warned that these are major installations that take a lot of extra time. First, check with your venue before ordering. I can't tell you how many times brides have come with bunches of hanging items only to find that staple guns or nails are not allowed. Or there are no ladders, scissors, or hammers to be found. Perhaps the desired effect could be accomplished with something easier -- just one cluster of lanterns hung from a center chandelier, or canned lights that are easily plugged into a wall to project light or color onto the ceiling. This is one area where a rental or décor company might be the best – and safest option. Hungover groomsmen on ladders=bad idea.

DIY Flowers You went to the florist and returned with a bit of sticker shock. So you decided to do the flowers yourself. After all, there are fresh flowers available in the grocery store, the farmer’s market, even online. How hard could it be? Well, it’s not hard, if you have time. And space to work. And tools to work with. It’s not as simple as just plopping some flowers in a mason jar. The flowers need to be sorted, cut, and arranged in a pleasing way. I’ve found that it takes 15-20 minutes to do one arrangement. Bouquets and boutonnieres take even longer. Flowers are perishable, so you can’t do them too far ahead. And sometimes the beautiful pink roses you saw at Sam’s in January just aren’t there in July.  (BTW, the quality of grocery store flowers is also undependable.) Then there’s the cleanup. Who is going to remove all the water, vases, and flowers at the end of the night? That being said, it can be fun to have a flower arranging party with your girls the day before the wedding. Western North Carolina is blessed with some great cut-your-own flower farms. But if Aunt Betsy has planned a bridal shower for Friday, you may not have time to do both. You definitely won’t have time day of.  Does it really save money? Well, to be honest with you, by the time you order all the supplies (at full retail price), DIY flower projects can be costly. So be sure you are taking this on because you love, love, love the idea, and not just to save money. And consider using a florist for at least part of the décor, and DIY the rest. Most are happy to compromise.

Free Favors or Favor Free? The whole favor thing is sometimes blown out of proportion. Remember, a favor is simply a small token of thanks to the guest for coming to your wedding. It does not have to be big, or practical, or useful. It's no thanks to require your guest to carry some heavy jar, plant, or, God forbid, fish, home with them. If you must create this type or favor, don’t make one for every guest.  Wedding guests are favored out – many just won’t take them. It’s better to make simple favors, like a fabric square filled with candy, or a chocolate bar with a personalized wrapper. The time and money spent to create and set up 100 favors might be better spent on décor. Just be sure to thank your guests in person at the event, and in your thank you notes.

The Y in DIY Remember that on the day of the wedding you will be busy getting ready, getting your hair done, getting dressed, getting photos, and, hopefully, getting to hang out with your friends and family. You cannot be the You in Do-it-Yourself on the big day. Relying on family or friends to do it is not fair to them, either. You'll need a day of coordinator or a team of hired hands to do it for you.

One Last Piece of Advice My friend Beth Stickle, florist and owner of Bloomin’ Art, tells a funny story about DIY from her own wedding. She and her fiancé decided to save some money on rental costs by picking up and setting up the ceremony chairs themselves. Because they would not have time to do this the day of the wedding, they asked their friends to stay after the rehearsal to help. So they set up the folding chairs in a lovely spot by a lake and took off. Next morning they returned to find a flock of geese had enjoyed the new “roosts” overnight.  And the friends? Too hung over to make it to the early morning set up session. “So instead of spending my morning decorating for my wedding and getting dressed, I spent it cleaning goose sh** off 200 chairs. Not pretty.” Something to think about!

From a recent newlywed: "To be honest with you, since the wedding I've been feeling a little down, and it also seems like my fiancé and I don't have anything to talk about or do together now! I mean my husband! I was just wondering if that is normal."


Miss Ellie Says: It is totally normal to feel let down after a big event like a wedding has ended -- think about when you graduated high school, finished your masters' thesis, or completed that big project at work -- it's just part of life! You are lucky your husband was so involved in the planning, because that is not comfortable territory for most men! Men need some down time after a big event, so let him have it.  You Type A's might need a little break yourself right now. If you are like most couples, you also moved and/or changed jobs sometime during the planning period, so that was a lot of stress on both of you. You know that Khalil Gibran quote that many couples have read at their ceremony?

But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. 


Now is the time for a little space. Reconnect with your girlfriends, get back to the gym, or catch up on that tv series you missed.  And make sure you have really finished the wedding wrap up -- do you still have thank you notes to write, a photo album or scrapbook to complete, (consider a scrapbooking class at Michael's), or gifts to find places for?  Another thing you can do to relive the wedding experience is to go online and review your wedding vendors -- they really appreciate those reviews, and you will he helping future brides!

Don't start another major project to fill the void; both of you need some time to regroup. Now, that being said, there are some things you can do to strengthen your relationship at this point. in addition to finding new things you can do on your own, find some new things you can do with your husband.  Why not start a date night tradition? If you got married on the 12th, try to do something every 12th, or every third Thursday, or something like that.  In a few months, start thinking about your first anniversary.  Don't go and make a big production of it, but do start planning something together to commemorate that special day.  

I want to caution you about one thing. This is not the time to start wedding planning business! Yes, you were very successful at planning your own wedding, but that does not mean you are ready to plan other people's weddings. I've seen a lot of brides do that over the years, but you need a lot more experience than one wedding to bill yourself as a professional wedding planner. But if it was truly something that you enjoyed doing, and you want to give it a try, find a planner to work for.  Help them on a few events and see if it's something that you really might want to do full-time. Another possibility is -- if you did a lot of DIY for your own wedding and it turned out well, you might find a market for those skills by selling custom-made wedding items via Etsy. (Let me know if you do, I've probably got customers for you!) 

One last thing to remember: The up and down cycle of life is something to get used to  -- just wait until you go through the nine-month planning experience of having your first child! 

One of the first things a bride must choose is a wedding dress…store. Wedding dress shopping is different than regular dress shopping. First of all, most wedding dress stores are specialty stores selling only formal wear, although many department stores and places like J. Crew do have bridal departments. Unlike dress shops, bridal stores often show samples, and they are not ready-to-wear. So don’t expect to find the dress you like, in the color and size you like, in stock. It will usually have to be ordered, and that can take up to 4-6 months. Therefore, you are trying on for style and look rather than fit.  Find a place that has a variety of styles and brands to choose from. Then there is the price. This is a major purchase – wedding dresses can cost up to $4,000, with an average price of $1000 – so you want to buy from someone you can trust. (No wonder they are called gowns instead of dresses!) Finally, trying on wedding dresses can be a strenuous process – some of these things weigh up to 50 lbs -- so you need time and a place that is comfortable to try them on. For a preview of an ideal wedding dress shopping experience, I highly recommend watching a few episodes of Say Yes to the Dress. This reality series, which airs on TLC, (with back episodes on Amazon), shows real brides and an entourage of family and friends, as they seek to find the perfect wedding dress. For a more Southern style, watch the Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta version. The show’s website features a lot of videos from the show, as well a ton of helpful advice about choosing a dress.

What are some other factors in choosing a wedding dress store?  

Since your dress will most likely need to be altered after it arrives, choose a store where the seamstresses or fitters, rather than the salespeople, get good reviews.

The types of stores range from small, locally-owned salons, to thrift shops, to giant chain stores like David’s. Think about where you are most comfortable shopping in general – the mall, a local mom and pop, or online – and start there.

Think about the kind of atmosphere you are comfortable in.  Some stores are true salons, with carpet and plush seating; some are more like warehouses. The warehouse might be cheaper. Do you mind crowds and cold floors if you are getting a good deal?

Don’t feel like you have to make a trip to the big city to visit marquee stores like Kleinfelds, Vera Wang, or Filene’s Basement. Many local stores can order the same gowns. On the other hand, if you are in the South, both Charlotte and Atlanta have an abundance of stores to visit, including some of the big names.

Don’t wait until you lose a few pounds to find a store and start trying on dresses. Even though you see it on the show all the time, you cannot wait until the month before! It takes time to get your gown in, and it may need to be altered not once, but several times, and that takes time, too. A talented seamstress can handle any changes in weight, or size, that may need to be made, later.

Wherever you shop, do call ahead to make an appointment, and allow a couple of hours at each store. Don’t try to hit several stores in one day. The same is true if you are shopping online. It takes time to click through hundreds of styles, figure out what size you need, and place your order, so don’t think it’s something you can get done on your lunch break.

More dress advice in a future column…

For more information:

You, too, can shop at the store featured on Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta. Bridals by Lori is located off I-285 in Atlanta. Phone: 404.252.8767.  Web http://bridalsbylori.com. Appts are highly recommended. They are closed on Wednesdays.

Want to be on a Say Yes to the Dress Show?? 
http://bridalsbylori.com/syttd/atlanta/tv-show-application

Q: Everyone says I need an emergency kit for the day of the wedding.  But what really needs to go in it?

A: We always bring a stocked emergency kit to weddings we coordinate.  We also bring a tool kit. But if your day of coordinator or venue does not provide one, here’s what you really need.

A wedding emergency kit could include any number of things, but focus on things that you, the bride, might need to get ready. Think makeup, hairspray, deodorant, body powder, rollers, hairpins, curling iron, shaving cream and razor, snack, mints, water, and your pain reliever of choice. For getting dressed, an iron (emptied of water-don’t want to drip on the dress), safety pins, body tape (prevents wardrobe malfunctions), strapless bra tape, moleskin or Band-Aids (in case of loose shoes or blisters), and scissors. 
 
Another type of emergency kit is the one that you carry with you that day, in your purse. But since you probably don't want to carry a purse all day, these are things that you put in a little bag to give to your maid of honor or your wedding coordinator to hold for you. Things I would include in your personal emergency kit are: lipstick and powder for quick makeup touchups (you’ll be surprised how shiny you get and how faded your lipstick gets during the day), tissues or a pretty hanky (those are tears of joy, I’m sure), mints, maybe even a mini toothbrush and toothpaste (it's a long night). I like to include a shout wipe for quick stain removal, an emory board, and a piece of white chalk that can also be used to cover stains on shoes. 
 
(In some parts of the country, brides need to carry a purse to accept monetary gifts directly from the guests. That’s pretty uncommon in the South.  Most guests will put their cash or checks in a card and leave on the gift table.)

Another type of emergency is the honeymoon kit. Remember that everything you need for your honeymoon – clothes, make-up etc. -- needs to be packed and ready to go at the end of the day. You may not have time to go back to the dressing room or hotel that night, so either pack that the day before and just drop in the makeup that you need, or have a duplicate set. If the honeymoon bag is packed and ready to go, someone can just grab it and throw it in the getaway vehicle and you are on your way.

As for everyone else, I think it’s sweet when the bride gives the groom a handkerchief monogrammed with their new initials to carry that day. That’s also a nice gift for moms and mothers in law. Tins of mints with your initials are also readily available from places like Oriental Trading, and are fun to share with the rest of the wedding party. They might appreciate some snacks,  too. But you don’t have to get fancy with that. Granola bars and bottles of water will suffice.

Other than that, all you really need is a  smile! Because no matter what happens -- if things don't go exactly as planned, if you forget something, or if there is an actual emergency -- your smile will let everyone know that it's all okay.

We are from different faith backgrounds, and we don’t attend any church right now. One of our good friends has offered to go online and get ordained so he can marry us. My question is, is this legal?

Great question! You see this scenario occur so often on television and in movies that it’s tempting to think it’s legitimate. But in North Carolina, it’s a little trickier than that. You’ll have a hard time getting a straight answer to your question, though, because the State can’t “regulate” churches or ministers for fear of violating the barrier between church and state. But they have issued some “guidelines” for your protection and theirs (see below). Why? If there is ever a question about whether the marriage was valid, the state needs to be able to find the officiant as well as the witnesses to the wedding. They can’t find them if they were ordained on some website that no longer exists. (Sometimes this comes up in the case of annulment or divorce, but also, when the premature death of one of the partners causes other potential heirs to question the validity of the  marriage.)

Rather than see this as an obstacle, though, consider it an  opportunity. If you have not done it before, now is the time to give some thought to your religious beliefs. What do you believe? Would you like to get involved in a community of people who share those beliefs? What about when you have children? Churches, whether formal or informal, can be a wonderful source of support for your marriage and your family, especially when times are tough. If you’re still not comfortable dentifying with a particular organized religion, there are lots of legitimate ministers out there who offer their services for a fee, and they cover the whole gamut of religious beliefs.  Just ask your wedding planner for a recommendation.

NORTH CAROLINA MINISTER GUIDELINES

Who may perform marriages in the state of North Carolina? An “ordained minister of any Faith.” A faith is a group of churches with similar beliefs and structures. The following is a list of faiths generally recognized by this state: 

Advent Christian, African Methodist Episcopal, Anglican, Alliance,  Apostolic, Assembly of God, Associate  Reformed, Baptist, Bible,  rethren, Catholic, Charismatic, Christian, Christian  Science, Church of Christ, Church of God, Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day
Saints, Community, Congregational, Disciples of Christ, Episcopal, Evangelical, Fellowship of Christian Assemblies, Foursquare Gospel, Freewill Baptist, Friends (Quaker), Full Gospel, Greek Orthodox, Holiness, Independent Baptist, Jewish, Jewish Christian, Lutheran, Mennonite, Methodist, Moravian, Missionary Baptist, Nazarene, Orthodox Catholic, Pentecostal, Pilgrim, Presbyterian, Presbyterian
Church of America, Presbyterian Church USA, Quaker, Reformed, Russian Orthodox, Salvation Army, Seventh-day Adventist, Southern
Baptist, Trinity, United Church of Christ, Unitarian Universalist Churches, Unity, Wesleyan.
 
If not ordained by one of these faiths, does the group issuing the ordination meet the following criteria?
      
Does it have a written creed, statement of faith, or summary of beliefs?       
Does it have regularly scheduled religious services?       
Does it have an established place of worship?      
Does it have an established congregation or other regular membership group?       
Does it conduct baptisms, weddings, funerals,  etc.?

If in doubt, check with your county register of deeds office. They are the ones ultimately responsible for issuing marriage licenses and recording marriages.

1.  Turkeys. Yes, we have turkeys, deer, raccoons, rabbits, squirrels,  foxes, ducks, geese, and an occasional coyote! Wildlife noises and messes are something we mountaineers are familiar with, but they can mess with your perfect outdoor party setting. Allow a little extra time in the morning for cleanup just in case. Also, any of these creatures can hold up your wedding party as they take their time crossing the road (well, not the coyotes and foxes – they’re pretty fast!) So allow a little extra travel time, especially in the more remote areas. 

2.  Motorcycles. Our mountain curves are popular with motorcycle riders, so be aware that an unmuffled parade could pass your outdoor location just as you say, “I Do.” Some locations also experience loud noise from helicopters (hospital airlifts are more common here), planes, and weekend hunters. Think about having the ceremony indoors where you can control the noise level.

 3.  GPS Errors. Here GPS stands for “General Path Suggestion.” It just does not work very well in some of our mountain communities. Also, you might find that cell phone coverage is non-existent in some areas, so don’t count on finding your way using only your phone. Before you head out, I would check your destination's website directions page for advice. Print it. Or bring a map. And a compass.

 4.  Traffic. It’s not the city traffic that you might be used to, but, unfortunately, our founding pioneers never anticipated the popularity of the mountains when they planned the roads around here. Around five o’clock, some of the main roads can get really congested, and there are few alternate routes. Also, there are train tracks that run right through the center of some
of our towns, and the trains run on unpredictable schedules. Again, allow some extra travel time, particularly during the fall, when slow-driving sightseers (we call them “leaf-lookers”) really slow things down.

5.  Weather. Weather changes quickly here in the mountains. In the summer we can have hot, sunny days, but we can also have a thunderstorm from 2 to 4 in the afternoon. In the spring, rain can change to hail or snow in a matter of minutes. March, April and November are particularly tricky in this respect. Have a backup plan. Most rental companies will allow you to put tents, heaters, and  fans on standby for a small fee. See more advice about this on my Weather Page.

6.  Southern Ways. We may be in the mountains, but we are still in the South.  There’s just a slower pace of life here. Even our internet runs slower. Don’t be surprised if it takes your vendors a few days to respond to your calls or emails. Try to be patient with us. If you have not heard back after three or four days, then I would try again. We were probably just out shooing some geese off the lawn,  repairing damage from a hail storm, or stuck in traffic (see above).

Trouble finding your wedding style? Your colors? Your theme? No, I’m not suggesting the popular Disney movie Frozen as a theme, but movies can inspire a theme. Here's my advice. Get on Pinterest. Search on “wedding style.” Start pinning. Don’t think about it. Pin whatever jumps out at you. (Tearing photos out of wedding magazines would also work.) Something about these 3 photos really grabbed one bride.

Was it is the color? No, not crazy about yellow or coral. The style? No, not crazy about the dresses. And we’re not near a farm or beach. After pinning, take a break, step back, and look for a common denominator. Then you’ll know your style. While taking a break from looking at these photos, we were interrupted by my daughter. She and the bride got to talking about how they both loved the music from the movie Frozen.  Maybe we had the song “In Summer” in our heads, but when we went back to the montage, we realized that what these photos had in common was summer -- bright colors, casual style, and sunshine. I summed it up as "summer day." There's the theme! Doesn’t matter that it’s a fall wedding. We’re using summer colors. Dresses in blue, flowers with blues, greens, a touch of yellow. Linens in green, blue, yellow and red checked gingham (don’t want to be too matchy matchy). Invitations, favors, decorations with a subtle sun motif. Mason jars, lemonade, iced tea. See it now? No, there won’t be a first dance to “In Summer.” We don’t want to beat people over the head with the theme. But we might be humming it during our next planning session!

One thing wedding planners do for you is keep up on all the latest trends by reading wedding magazines and blogs, attending wedding shows and webinars, and networking with other wedding vendors. A lot of wedding planning sites write about the latest trends. Let me write about some new ideas I've seen in the last week that I think might become trends.

Instead of a massages on mani/pedis, how about yoga?  Your own private yoga group session, followed by a healthy brunch with hot teas,  fruit and finger sandwiches. Talk about stress relief! (Mary, www.cashiersvalleyfusion.com)

Truffles and beer? Yes! Pair your favorite seasonal brew with a custom-made chocolate truffle to match. Think pumpkin beer with chocolate pumpkin truffles. Put them at the bar instead of the favor table for a sure-fire conversation starter.
(Schocolate Artisan Truffles, www.schocolate.com)

An alternative to the photo booth – a live artist doing drawings, silhouettes, or caricatures. If the couple has one
done ahead of time, they can be turned into part of the décor, even a cake topper! (Brian Vasilik, www.weddingcaricatures.blogspot.com)

I’ve written about this before, but it’s so unique that it deserves mentioning again.  A dove release to end your ceremony or
reception instead of bubbles, birdseed, or sparklers. Trained white homing pigeons rise up, circle the crowd, and fly away. It’s spectacular. Kind of like fireworks, but much cheaper. And not to worry, these birds are pros that always get home safely. (Julia at www.ashevillewhitedovereleases.com)

Groomsmen activity instead of golf? Ziplining!  This is a popular activity in the mountains, where the views from the treetops can be spectacular. One company offers group rates and a free “Father of the Bride Zip”, because, “We figure he’s paid enough already.” (Highlands Aerial Park, www.highlandscanopytour.com)

Breakfast for dinner. Think waffle making station, omelets cooked to order, and bacon! More affordable  than the usual
dinner, and more interesting that the rubber chicken plate. (Idea from Cathy Brovet, Sales Manager at the Cliffs at Walnut Cove, www.cliffscommunities.com)

Horse-Drawn Wedding. Not a horse drawn carriage; that’s been done. I’m talking about the whole wedding taking place in a carriage while you cruise the avenues of one of our historic neighborhoods. I’ve seen weddings on boats, hot air balloons, and parade floats, but for an elopement, this seems a lot more romantic (and less dangerous!) (From www.ashevillehorseandcarriagetours.com)

Got a new idea? I'd love for you to post it as a comment. It will be interesting to look back a few years from now and see if any of these new ideas are then old hat!

Thank you to the Sawyer Family Farmstead in Glenville, NC (near Cashiers) for hosting the Blue Ridge Bride Wedding Show last Saturday from whence came many of these ideas!

I am often asked, "What does a wedding coordinator really do?" To answer that, I could write a long list of duties performed by a wedding coordinator, but I might paint a clearer picture by referring to two characters on the popular television series, Downton Abbey. If you're a fan of Downton Abbey you must be acquainted with Mr. Carson, the head butler who runs the household with the assistance of Mrs. Hughes, the chief housekeeper.  He directs the male staff in their duties and assures that no one is goofing off when they should be working.  When a guest arrives at the Abbey, he greets them and directs them to the room where they will be received. When it's time for a meal he selects the best wine, chooses the china and flatware, and checks and doublechecks that each place is set properly. After the guests are seated,  Mr. Carson oversees the serving of the food, alerts Mrs. Patmore when it's time to bring up the next course, and directs the clearing of the dishes.  Meanwhile, Mrs. Hughes oversees the females.  Her staff help the ladies with dressing, make sure the clothes and linens are clean and pressed, and assures every room is cleaned, dusted and ready for guests. Together they keep an eye out for potential problems, and they work together to resolve them before they come to the attention of Lord and Lady Grantham.  If you could combine these two wonderful servants and bring them to your event, then you would have the perfect wedding coordinator!  The coordinator works behind the scenes making sure that everything is set up properly and is ready to go at the appropriate time.  She assures that every family member and every guest is welcomed, has all their needs met, and feels important.  She directs the rest of the staff (your vendors, in this scenario) in the performance of their duties.  A mistress of manners and etiquette, she performs these duties gracefully and quietly in the background, drawing no attention to herself. I am sure Mr. Carson would approve!